Relating to Others Who Don’t Share Your Perspectives

College provides a space where we can explore and challenge our perspectives on the world around us. This is essential for personal growth as scholars and as healthy, independent adults. However, this can be challenging, especially during a season where larger political and social discourse is so divided.

We all will inevitably encounter other people who do not share our beliefs and perspectives and those who push us to defend our own. Here are some ways to lean into these moments in a healthy and productive way:

Engage in conversations with sincerity.

It is not always possible to judge someone’s true intentions when engaging in dialogue. It is possible, however, to approach these conversations with a willingness to allow for the possibility that their intentions are sincere. Try bringing a willingness to trust and be sincere rather than fear and suspicion.

Use effective communication skills.

Engage in active listening. When listening to other perspectives, prioritize listening for understanding rather than listening for how you are going to respond or counter the other opinion. Don’t treat a conversation like a debate to be won, but rather as an opportunity to share and grow.

Listen first and speak second. Allow the other person space to talk and respond. Ask for the same courtesy.

Consider your tone. Often the biggest barrier to effective communication and discourse is the tone of voice used. If you bring a harsh, accusatory, or incredulous tone to the conversation, you will often be met with the same in return.

Tap into empathy.

Remember our shared humanity. The other person in the conversation is just that — a person. They have their own background experiences and beliefs. Try to step into their shoes and see things from their perspective even if you don’t agree with it.

Approach topics with an open mind and with an attitude open to learning.

Seek to learn, expand your bubble, self-reflect, and sit with new perspectives. We don’t often know the depth of our commitment to our point of view until it is truly tested against alternatives. In a society that seems to encourage us to stick our fingers in our ears and yell louder than everyone else, work to understand and learn to defend your own perspective by being willing to challenge it.

Recognize that not all discomfort is bad.

It can be scary and uncomfortable to talk to someone about a subject you care about, particularly when you are met with a different point of view. However, we often grow most through discomfort, because we are forced to stretch ourselves. It is helpful to allow yourself to sit in spaces where you encounter dissonance from other perspectives. Try to differentiate the discomfort of being challenged or the discomfort of encountering difficult subject matter from the discomfort of being mistreated. If you are being mistreated or feel unsafe, step away to prioritize your well-being. Mistreatment will often look like threats, derogatory or demeaning language, name-calling, condescension or manipulation.

Not every problem can be solved through civil discourse.

Sometimes we encounter situations where conversations reach an impasse or where there is little interest in listening or learning. However, if we keep some of these suggestions in mind, we can feel confident we did our part to make the discourse civil, and that contributes to the overall good of our community and our growth as scholars and independent thinkers.

Additional Support

Sometimes you may need additional support. When that time comes, there are great resources on campus that can help. Also check out our election stress support page.

• The Counseling Center provides counseling and same-day consultation services to all enrolled students. Students can call 205-348-3863 to schedule an appointment. Consultation services are also available to faculty and staff members who are concerned about the welfare of students.
• The Student Health Center and Pharmacy provides medical, women’s health, allergy/immunizations, nutrition therapy and psychiatry services. The in-house pharmacy has the same hours as the clinic.
• The Women and Gender Resource Center offers free, voluntary and confidential counseling and advocacy services to members of the UA community who have experienced interpersonal violence. New clients can call 205-348-5040 between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5:15 p.m. to schedule an initial appointment.
• Collegiate Recovery and Intervention Services provides a comprehensive continuum of care for students with substance use concerns. Services range from prevention, awareness and exploration of consequences for high-risk behaviors to a supportive, safe and engaging environment that supports students seeking or contemplating recovery.
• Student Care and Well-Being provides assistance and advocacy to students in crisis. If a student is struggling financially because of a crisis or if they are experiencing food insecurity, they can reach out to SCWB for assistance. Additionally, any faculty or staff member can confidentially report a student of concern through the SCWB website.

Reference:

Milan Kordestani: “I’m Just Saying: A Guide to Maintaining Civil Discourse in an Increasingly Divided World”