Take 5 for well-being: Navigating conflict  

We live in a diverse and complex world where we often encounter differences of opinion, perspective, values and needs. This can result in conflict, which is natural and normal. Conflict can be present in every relationship, from acquaintanceships to close personal bonds.  

This is OK!   

No one should expect a life devoid of conflict. Trying to avoid conflict often leads to living in a smaller and smaller box. Instead, learning how to navigate moments of conflict helps us develop the adaptability and resilience needed to thrive in all types of relationships.  

Here are five things to keep in mind as you lean into conflict and work to resolve it in a healthy way:  

1. Check yourself before engaging   

Before you try to address a disagreement, check in with yourself. We often encounter conflict unexpectedly, and the temptation is to speak before we think. Instead, take a moment to name and acknowledge your emotions. Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself of what you want to accomplish by addressing the issue. This can help put you in the right frame of mind to address the issue in a productive manner.  

2. Engage in conversations with sincerity and empathy   

It is not always possible to judge someone’s true intentions when engaging in dialogue. It is possible, however, to approach these conversations with a willingness to allow for the possibility that their intentions are sincere. Try to enter the conversation with trust and sincerity, rather than letting fear and suspicion guide your response.  

Remember our shared humanity. The other person in the conversation is just that — a person. They have their own background, experiences and beliefs. Try to step into their shoes and see things from their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it.  

3. Use effective communication skills  

You can also work to eliminate barriers in communication by practicing the following effective communication skills:  

• Engage in active listening. When listening to other perspectives, focus on understanding rather than formulating your response or rebuttal. Don’t treat a conversation like a debate to be won, but rather as an opportunity to share and grow.  
• Listen first and speak second. Allow the other person space to speak and respond. Ask for the same courtesy.  
• Consider your tone. Often, the biggest barrier to effective communication and discourse is the tone of voice used. If you bring a harsh, accusatory or incredulous tone to the conversation, you will often be met with the same in return.  
• Speak from your perspective and allow space for the other party to share theirs. This is best done by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. This allows you to express how you think and feel while giving others the space to do the same without fear of judgment.  

4.  Work to understand needs and interests, not just positions and opinions   

The beliefs and perspectives we hold are often tied to underlying needs or interests. Seek to understand these for yourself. This allows the other party to help find the root cause of the problem. We often find that those root needs are more similar than we might suspect, which can lead to better collaboration toward a solution.  

5. Recognize that not all discomfort is bad   

It can be scary and uncomfortable to address conflicts directly. Conflict often feels threatening, either to our own safety or by jeopardizing the safety of our relationships. Most poor attempts at conflict resolution are influenced by the defensiveness, emotional reactivity, avoidance and perceived threats that extend from that fear. However, we often grow most through leaning into that fear, because we are forced to stretch ourselves. The more experience we gain navigating conflict, the more confidence we develop in our ability to address it effectively.  

It is important to note that not all discomfort should be ignored. Try to differentiate the discomfort of being challenged from the discomfort of being mistreated. If you are being mistreated or feel unsafe, step away to prioritize your well-being. Mistreatment will often look like threats, derogatory or demeaning language, name-calling, condescension or manipulation.  

Moving forward   

These tips are not a recipe to avoid or eliminate conflict. Conflict is not something we can eliminate from our lives. We can, however, work to address conflict in an assertive and effective way that maximizes the potential for positive outcomes. Remember, conflict resolution relies on the other party being interested in resolving the conflict as well, and other people are outside of our control. However, if we keep some of these suggestions in mind, we can feel confident we did our part to work to resolve conflict well.  

Additional support  

Sometimes you may need additional support. When that time comes, there are great resources on campus that can help.  

• The Counseling Center provides counseling and same-day consultation services to all enrolled students. Students can call 205-348-3863 to schedule an appointment. Consultation services are also available to faculty and staff members who are concerned about the welfare of students.   
• The Camellia Center offers free, voluntary and confidential counseling and advocacy services to members of the UA community who have experienced interpersonal violence. New clients can call 205-348-5040 between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5:15 p.m. to schedule an initial appointment.  
•  Collegiate Recovery and Intervention Services provides a comprehensive continuum of care for students with substance use concerns. Services range from prevention, awareness and exploration of consequences for high-risk behaviors to a supportive, safe and engaging environment that supports students seeking or contemplating recovery.  
•  Student Care and Well-Being provides assistance and advocacy to students in crisis. Students experiencing financial hardship due to an unexpected crisis or struggling with food insecurity can contact SCWB. Faculty and staff can also confidentially report a student of concern through the SCWB website.